The Battle

Ever since I can remember I have been concerned with my weight. I used to take pride in being thin. Apparently I was too prideful about it cause now i've been cursed with  being overweight. I know I'm overweight but last night i was officially called ugly and way to fat to date. I know it's not true well the ugly part. I am fat. I don't want to be. Its really depressing. So many people judge people by what they look like. Why can't we love people for who they are inside. Growing up i didn't want to hang out with overweight people but somewhere along the way that changed but since i've actually become overweight i've become even more aware of how judgemental our society is. I'm God's child, he wants me healthy but he loves me no matter what. People who call themselves christians should quit being so judgemental. I'm guilty of it too. Maybe that's the lesson to be learned here. It's what's on the inside that counts. I know plenty of beautiful women who are not thin. I keep telling myself that I am ugly and not worth anything but i know that's a lie. Satan just has a good hold on my mind and i want him to go to hell. I wish every skinny person would turn fat so they know how it feels. I certainly learned my lesson. If i had three wishes my number one wish would be that all the skinny people would be fat and that all the fat people would be skinny. That would teach them. I've cried many times over this weight issue. I want a guy who will tell me i'm beautiful no matter what. But those are few and far between. There are very few REAL guys out there that aer genuine. Half of christian men think they are too holy for you. That's why they marry the girls who think they are too holy too. I do not like the christian community. It's full of fakes and hypocrites. Why can we be real and say we are just flawed, sinners who need grace. Why do we judge non-christians who come to church not dressed the way we are. One of the many reasons i don't dress up for church. I don't want to be considered like them. I want to be seen differently. I want to be the real person who comes as she is. Flawed and broken. That's all we are. I hate holier than thou christians who think they and their church are the only true christians. If i could I'd work with the homeless. I feel like i could understand them. I have compassion for them. I identify with the broken not those who think they are perfect. There is not such thing as perfect so let's quit trying to be. Let's be obedient, christ follwers and try to do his will. That's what's important. It's not about being thin or being on this holy pedestol. Let's be real.